FOR THOSE OF US WHO WISH TO THINK WE ARE REAL COMPOSERS, HERE ARE A
FEW FRIENDLY REMINDERS.
Ludwig van Beethoven (1770-
W. A. Mozart (1756-
Franz Schubert (1797-
Johannes Brahms (1833-
Béla Bartók (1881-
Arnold Schoenberg (1874-
self-
Igor Stravinsky (1882-
Igor Stravinsky (1882-
by Pablo Picasso (1881-
Leonard Bernstein (1918-
Little Igor (he doesn’t look happy).
Paul Hindemith (1895-
Criminal and theft victim Igor Stravinsky’s mug shot, taken when he was allegedly
booked in Boston on Income Tax Day, 1940 for the heinous anti-
The Star-
According to informed sources,
the malevolent Mr. Stravinsky
composed this arrangement in 1941
and performed it in Boston in 1944.
Thus, this widely-
borrowed from a visa application,
is actually a hoax in which the evil
wicked composer participated.
Johann Sebastian Bach (1685-
as a young man, without a wig.
Richard Strauss (1864-
Boris Karloff as the insane murderous
operatic baritone, Gravelle, in
Charlie Chan at the Opera.
Beaver Point Hall, Salt Spring Island, B.C., Canada.
This community hall, where I once gave a concert, located on an unpaved road in the
middle of the woods on a small island between Vancouver and Victoria, accessible
only by ferry, has quite possibly the greatest acoustics imaginable. This could
be a world-
Clara Geller (1913-
My mother, a great pianist, musician, and artist, a great mother,
a wonderful human being,
and a frequent collaborative pianist.
in La Traviata:
“Ciel! che discopro!”
(Heavens! What a discovery!)
Giorgio Germont has just discovered that Violetta has been selling her
belongings to support his son,
her lover, Alfredo.
Facebook by my nephew, Ben, a
great violist, who, like me and my
son, Noah, is a graduate of Juilliard.
(I do believe, by the way, that Juilliard is the most frequently misspelled word
or name in the English language).
Oscar Geller (1908-
My father, a wonderful man, was a talented and accomplished amateur
violinist (who almost never practiced).
He turned me on to music by letting
me play (and ultimately break) his 78
rpm records when I was around three or four years old. He came to as many of my concerts as he could; he came to this one, and he certainly never forgot it! (Who could forget this concert?)!!
Although this is not the restaurant
to which I was driving for the
birthday celebration with my future
ex-
it is certainly worth a picture here.
I do not expect to try it soon.
If you, dear reader, should
happen to try it, please let me
know how you enjoyed it.
The Golden Stool
89 High Road
South Tottenham, London, N15 6DL
Phone: 020 8800 2150
The Beaver Point Hall concert was most
profitable for my daughter Sarah [now
Saeri], age 11 at the time, who did the
concession, baked and sold Chocolate
Chip Cheesecake Fantasies (yum yum),
and actually made more money than
everyone else involved. Fortunately, for everyone reading this, she has agreed to share the recipe, below. She is 16 or 17 on the picture here. As soon as she
emails me a picture from when
she was 11, I’ll post it here.
CHOCOLATE CHIP CHEESECAKE
FANTASIES
Makes 48 bars
(I have ever so slightly adjusted the recipe.
Can you guess what my adjustment is)?
INGREDIENTS
1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
2 tbsp. sugar
1/3 cup butter
1 (8 oz.) package cream cheese,
at room temperature
1/3 cup sugar
1 egg
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1 tbsp. grated orange peel
1 cup chopped walnuts or almonds
2 cups semi-
2/3 cup flaked or shredded coconut
Heat oven to 350 degrees. In medium
bowl, combine graham cracker crumbs,
2 tablespoons sugar and melted butter.
Press the mixture evenly in bottom of an
ungreased 9 x 13 inch baking pan.
Bake 5 to 8 minutes. In a medium bowl,
beat cream cheese, 1/3 cup sugar, egg,
vanilla and orange peel until well blended.
Spread evenly over baked crust. In small
bowl, combine nuts, 1 cup out of the 2 cups of chocolate chips and coconut.
(Seriously, always add extra chocolate chips to any recipe). Sprinkle evenly over cream cheese mixture, pressing in lightly.
Bake 25 to 30 minutes or until golden brown. While baking, eat the remaining cup of chocolate chips. Cool in pan.
Cut cooled cookies into squares. Store
in refrigerator. Makes 48 (1 1/2 inch) cookies. And remember, life is short.
Eat dessert first!
(This place is for real)!! Come and worship me!
And hey! maybe we can do that auto-
This is the “Ian” Temple at 176 W. Washington Boulevard between LaSalle and Wells in the heart of the Loop in downtown Chicago, where my many faithful followers gather to worship me.
I regret to say, however, that there are some satanic, heretical infidels who maintain
that this is really the “I Am” Temple. They will be burned at the stake the next
time I hold an auto-
You will be edified, educated, and enlightened)!
Train wreck at the Montparnasse Station
(Gare de l’Ouest), Place de Rennes,
(now Place du 18 Juin, 1940), Paris, 1895.
Me, (without the beard) when I first
started listening to classical music at home, several years before I sang
with the children’s chorus of the
New York City Opera.
My-
8232 Garvey Avenue, Suite 101
Rosemead, CA 91770
626-
Pu Pu Hot Pot
907 Main Street
Cambridge, MA 02238
617-
http://pupuchinese.com/
I love Asian food but these restaurants are not highly recommended.
Carnegie Recital Hall, New York, NY,
now Weill Recital Hall.
Do you think they would cut me a deal on 10 for only $20?
I wonder what they charge for violins and ’cellos.
(Maria once actually went
backstage to congratulate
Renata after a performance.
Would you believe?)!
Wow! This Michelangelo dude could really connect those dots!
He had to lie flat on his back to do it. Hey, just a minute!
Wasn’t he a turtle? Turtles shouldn’t lie flat on their back.
Why doesn’t he gain weight?
The Bobs, Riverview Amusement Park, Chicago. Built in 1924,
it was criminally demolished with the rest of the park in 1967.
The Cyclone, Coney Island, Brooklyn, New York. It opened
on June 26, 1927. Attempts to demolish it were foiled when it
was declared a New York City landmark on July 12, 1988,
and was placed on the National Register of Historic Places
on June 26, 1991. The New York Park District now owns it. Thus, it is alive, well, and hopefully will be running forever!
Don’t miss it! (In 1927 it was 25¢ a ride. Now it’s $8.00)!
Lake Michigan.
It wasn’t winter when I went, but this is a nice picture.
Green Bay (northwest) is all white and invisible under the ice!
This is a place I avoided in 1978
when I lost over fifty pounds.
FYI, I’m avoiding it now too.
Soon Fatt Chinese Takeaway
28 Dublin Road
Bray, County Wicklow, Ireland
Albert Einstein, violinist.
Musicians must be like Dracula.
Count.
This picture of me was taken within
months of when I was carded (sigh...)
and it’s been so long since I’ve used it.
IAN GELLER, baritone • YBA MUSIC • 2 Prout Avenue, Suite 6 • Troy, NY 12180-
E-
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
Jewish Cantor liturgical folk music star writer producer CHELM! one-
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Ian
Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller
IAN GELLER, baritone • YBA MUSIC • 2 Prout Avenue, Suite 6 • Troy, NY 12180-
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Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
Jewish Cantor liturgical folk music star writer producer CHELM! one-
master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs Jewish Cantor liturgical folk music star writer producer CHELM!
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller
Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
Jewish Cantor liturgical folk music star writer producer CHELM! one-
master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs Jewish Cantor liturgical folk music star writer producer CHELM!
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
Jewish Cantor liturgical folk music star writer producer CHELM! one-
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
Jewish Cantor liturgical folk music star writer producer CHELM! one-
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
Jewish Cantor liturgical folk music star writer producer CHELM! one-
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller baritone composer conductor voice teacher vocal coach master classes singer opera oratorio concert recital programs recordings CD Lieder art songs
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Ian
Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller Ian Geller
MY FAVORITE STREETS
AND INTERSECTIONS
The old Metropolitan Opera House in 1905,
1411 Broadway between 39th and 40th Streets in New York.
This baritone-
as Leonard Warren, Robert Merrill, and Tito Gobbi,
was built in 1883 and was demolished in 1967.
Rudolph Bing (1902-
Robert Merrill
as Rigoletto
Leonard Warren
as Rigoletto
Tito Gobbi
as Rigoletto
Dietrich
Fischer-
SOME FAVORITE LAZY TENORS
The intersection of Gott Street and Hiscock Street in Ann Arbor, MI
Dickhardtstraße in Berlin, Germany
Inyo Street and Butte Street in
beautiful Bakersfield, CA.
The intersection of Seaman at
Cumming in New York, NY,
only a few blocks N.W. of
Broadway and Dyckman which,
if your mind is sufficiently analytical,
is also an interesting intersection.
Divorce Court.
I’m not sure exactly where it is.
Ahhhh... Peace and love! (Although, for some reason, I still prefer women, who are so often unpeaceful and unloving, to pit bulls).
Kreutzer Sonata (1901)
by René François Xavier Prinet (1861-
The eponymous painting, famous because it was used
in Tabu perfume advertisements, depicts a scene from the
eponymous 1889 novella by Count Leo Tolstoy (1828-
(banned in Russia as being immoral), which tells of a man who murdered his wife because she had an affair with a violinist
with whom she was playing Beethoven’s Kreutzer Sonata.
The violinist escaped.
This is meant as a word of warning to my son, Noah, a
great violinist, Concertmaster of the Kansas City Symphony,
who recently did a great performance of the Kreutzer.
I don’t want to see anything bad happen to him
(although I believe he did not have an affair with the pianist).
print by Samuel H. Grimm.
printbysamuelh.grimm34.jpg)
drawing by Randolph Caldecott,
engraved by J. D. Cooper,
published in 1886 in “Old Christmas”
from “The Sketchbook”
by Washington Irving.
Noah Geller at the Marlboro
Music Festival in 2007, which is
not where he played the Kreutzer.
Ian Geller as Kaiser Overall
in Der Kaiser von Atlantis
oder Der Tod dankt ab
with the Vienna Kammeroper
and the Austrian Radio Orchestra, performed in Berlin, Vienna, and London. In this black comedy Kaiser Overall allegorically satirizes Hitler.
Janet Jackson, soprano? mezzo??
Does she ever do Despina?
She sure has the talent!
Gloria Lane
David Poleri
Joseph Rosenstock
HUMOR
TRUE STORIES: The Tales of Ian,
which, albeit true, will never make
it into my bio, for obvious reasons.
HUMOR includes some of my favorite
jokes, which may give you a clue as to
just how bizarre my sense of humor is.
Along with some of
MY FAVORITE PICTURES
____________________________________
(click on any entry to go directly there)
• MY FAVORITE DISASTERS
FINISH THE OPERA YOURSELF
THE COSTUME DESIGNER – 1
THE COSTUME DESIGNER – 2
• WHAT IS EXPERIENCE?
WHEN IN DOUBT, SING LOUD
WE DIDN’T HAVE TO STOP
I DIDN’T HAVE TO COMMIT SUICIDE
• MY FAVORITE AUDITIONS
HUMILIATION
LA TRAVIATA – 1
BULL
A TALE OF TWO OPERA COMPANIES
ON HOLD
AM I A BASS OR A TENOR?!
• SOME MEMORABLE MOMENTS
THERE ARE NO BARITONES AT THE MET
A RADIO INTERVIEW
A MEMORABLE REHEARSAL – 1
A MEMORABLE REHEARSAL – 2
A MEMORABLE REHEARSAL – 3
DO YOU NEED A PIANO?
LA TRAVIATA – 2
MY MOST EGO-
THE CRITICS
TIMBUKTU
AN AMAZING DISCOVERY
THE WORST TIME IN MY LIFE
or The Genesis (and Exodus) of TIME
I BECAME TERRIBLY INCENSED...
HOW I BECAME A TROUBLEMAKER
THE NATURE OF GENIUS – 1
THE NATURE OF GENIUS – 2
STAGE DIRECTION OF THE YEAR
• HUMOR
________________________________________
MY FAVORITE DISASTERS
There are so many wonderful things that happen in a
career but the really memorable moments, which
most folks prefer to read about, always seem to be
the disasters.
FINISH THE OPERA YOURSELF
I have loved classical music, including opera, since I was perhaps three or four years old and was allowed to play my parents’ 78 rpm recordings – very very carefully – on our old Victrola. My professional career actually began when I was ten years old. My mother had enrolled me in the All Children’s Grand Opera, an extraordinary Chicago institution many years ago, run by Zerlina Mühlmann Metzger, daughter of the turn of the century Metropolitan Opera baritone Adolph Mühlmann. We did complete
operas in their original languages. I sang Radames, as a boy soprano(!) in Act I of Aïda and Hoffman in the prologue and Act II of Les contes d’Hoffman. Although I’m sure it was a great experience, it must have been hysterical! Too bad it was before the days of recording. (One of my little colleagues was little Bill Mason who became Chief Executive Honcho of the Lyric Opera of Chicago when he got bigger). But more to the point, our company was engaged to sing the children’s choruses with the New York City Opera on their annual tours to Chicago. I sang (for money! but not very much) in La Bohème, Tosca, and Carmen, and I was a super in Manon. Thus, on November 19, 1953, (my sister’s fourth birthday), I was in the most notorious performance in the history of that company. After
singing “Avec la garde montante nous
arrivons, nous voilà!..” in the first act
of Carmen, I, with my mother, went
into the audience to enjoy the rest of the
performance. In Act IV it seemed that
the conductor, Joseph Rosenstock,
suddenly had to make a train and began
racing tempos like a bat out of hell.
I recall whispering to my mother,
“Mommy, isn’t this too fast?” (I had a
recording and knew the opera quite well).
David Poleri, the Don Jose, evidently
was becoming more and more annoyed.
Finally, two minutes before he was to
stab Gloria Lane, the Carmen, he lost it.
He announced to Mr. Rosenstock and Ms. Lane in a loud voice, “Finish the opera yourself,” and stormed offstage in a truly traumatic terribly tenorial temperamental tantrum! I whispered, “Mommy, he’s not supposed to say that and he’s not supposed to go off yet.” A voice from backstage, which I later learned belonged to Walter Fredericks, started to sing Don Jose’s lines and Ms. Lane died perfectly on cue from what is sometimes called “the Isolde syndrome.” I have never seen anything like that since, although I have heard of singers walking out after being booed by audiences. Years later, in the mid ’70s, I met Gloria Lane at a party and recalled the incident to her. She told me that, when the moment came, she wielded an imaginary knife and stabbed herself, but at the time I hadn’t noticed it. Furthermore, she said this was only the fourth time she had ever performed the role of Carmen.
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THE COSTUME DESIGNER – 1
When I was a student at the University of Southern California, the opera workshop had a costume designer who sincerely believed that the body should be made to fit his costumes rather than vice-
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THE COSTUME DESIGNER – 2
This same costume designer also discovered that costumes could be completed much faster if he used a hot glue gun instead of a sewing machine. (I kid you not)! My costume for Theseus in A Midsummer Night’s Dream was held up by only one strip of velcro affixed to the costume with this glue. The dress rehearsal and an opening with another cast went very well. Everyone (except the L.A. Times critic*) loved the costume. But on my opening night they had added streamers to the archway through which I made a grand entrance in the last act. As I made my grand entrance, one of the streamers somehow caught on this one strip of velcro and ripped it off the costume. I felt the costume coming totally off. While singing “Now, fair Hippolyta...” I managed to clutch the costume to my body with my left elbow. I was able to keep most of it up with a little surreptitious help from my Hippolyta, while I tried to keep my left side upstage as much as possible. After what seemed like an eternity but was actually only a minute or so, I went to a sofa and sat down to watch the Rustics’ little play about Pyramus and Thisbe. The upside of all this was that during the Rustics’ play I was surrounded by several of Hippolyta’s beautiful attendants who had their hands all over me trying to reattach my costume, but when hot glue comes off it stays off. Finally, as the act drew to an end, I rose from the sofa, elbow desperately clutching at my costume, and made my exit. Amazingly, somehow, throughout all of this I believe I did not miss one note of my singing! Oh, how I wish that there was a video which I could put on YouTube! I don’t even have a picture!
(*As everyone knows, the L.A. Times critics hate everything).
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________________________________________
WHAT IS EXPERIENCE?
People, especially potential employers, often
ask me about my experience. They want to
hear about the excellent performances in which
I have participated with excellent colleagues,
fine conductors, insightful directors, etc.
I, however, would like to submit that real
experience is something quite different.
WHEN IN DOUBT, SING LOUD
I once did an opera which has two hours and
ten minutes of music. The company, however,
scheduled only one orchestra rehearsal of two
hours and fifteen minutes. We could get through
the piece but could not stop and practice
anything. It was a fine orchestra and we had a
reasonably dependable conductor, but sometimes
something’s gotta give. My opening scene begins
offstage. I could not see the conductor and of
course there was no assistant conductor or TV
monitor to help, but no problem, there was a
prominent horn solo as intro. Oops... for
reasons I will never know, the horn didn’t come
in! Sweating bullets, I sang the horn solo to
myself mentally, counting like crazy, thinking of
Robert Merrill’s profound comment, “When in
doubt, sing loud,” and came in (loud) when I
thought I should. I was right. The rest of the
orchestra came in after me in just the right place.
Whew! Two other characters, later in the
performance, were not so lucky and made wrong
entrances, brief but very disconcerting disasters.
THAT IS EXPERIENCE!
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WE DIDN’T HAVE TO STOP
I once did a twentieth century oratorio with a fine orchestra, but with a conductor who should have been a conductor with Amtrak rather than a conductor of an orchestra. In a section with constantly changing meters this conductor evidently forgot which beats go to the left and which beats go to the right. He began hopelessly flailing his arms around, totally confusing the orchestra which had never played the piece before. They were getting more and more lost. Finally, in a woodwind passage when only a few players were supposed to be playing, they started to stop playing, one by one! After about thirty seconds no one in the orchestra was playing! I kept singing, a cappella, counting very carefully, trying not to look at the conductor. Had I watched him attempt to conduct I would have gotten as completely screwed up as the woodwinds. After what felt like an hour, but was actually only about another thirty seconds, there was an obvious cadence and the orchestra came back in. Whew! We didn’t have to stop.
THAT IS EXPERIENCE!
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I DIDN’T HAVE TO COMMIT SUICIDE
When I was a student one of my teachers engaged me to sing with his volunteer church choir in a special concert performance of a well-
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I have not had any disasters or calamitous experiences recently. How boring! But I have had some very interesting auditions.
__________________________________________________
MY FAVORITE AUDITIONS
HUMILIATION
In auditions I avoid certain arias unless I know the pianist knows what he is doing, which, unfortunately, is not always the case. One such aria is the Prologue from Pagliacci which has several traditional interpolations of high notes with long held fermatas, all unmarked, as well as several tricky tempo changes. When I auditioned for the Vienna Kammeroper I saw that Pagliacci was in their repertoire. Surely the pianist knew it, so out came the Prologue. Well, folks, this particular pianist had never seen it before. (I should have asked him first). What a disaster! We had to actually stop several times in mid-
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LA TRAVIATA – 1
Once upon a time two companies were auditioning for La Traviata. Why, oh why was I offered both... on the same date?! I took the one that paid more.
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BULL
I have gotten some amazing comments.
I auditioned for a Carmen (Escamillo,
not Carmen!). The gentleman listening
said, “Bullfighters are small and thin.”
(I am 6’3” and weigh [too much] over
250 lbs.). “You should not be trying
out for the bullfighter, you should be
trying out for the bull.” I replied, “If
you interpolate the Toreador Song for
the bull, I’ll do it!” I did not get the gig.
(I wish I could remember which opera
company it was or who said it).
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A TALE OF TWO
OPERA COMPANIES
About two decades ago I had set up two
auditions about two hours apart in a city
with two opera companies. I sang the same
repertoire at both auditions. I felt good.
I felt I was in good voice. I truly believe I
sounded identical in both auditions.
After the first audition I received glowing
compliments from the auditor, a former Met
star, about my voice, my vocal production,
my artistry, and lots more. I was immediately
engaged to sing the leading baritone role in
their next production.
After the second audition I received disdainfully insulting comments from the auditor, assistant to the company director, who disliked my voice, felt my vocal production was poor, deemed my performance inartistic, and told me never to bother them again.
Listen to downloads at the bottom of the Home page and let me know what you think. FYI, I thoroughly enjoyed returning to that city and working with the first company, and with really fine, nice colleagues, when I sang in their production. And, by the way, I have heard and read of similar experiences from many other folks.
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ON HOLD
Long long ago I wanted to audition for the City of Eckss Opera Company. I called the office and was told I had to speak with Maestro Bat Onwielder, the Chief Executive Honcho, about setting up an audition. The receptionist then put me on hold for at least three minutes. Then she came back on the line and told me that Maestro Onwielder had just left for the rest of the day and asked me to call back next week. Next week I called back. After being put on hold for at least five minutes, the receptionist informed me that Maestro Onwielder was in rehearsal for the rest of the day; could I please call back much later? Much later I called back again. After at least ten minutes on hold, I was told The Maestro had not come in yet. Then he had meetings. Then he had more rehearsals. Then he had just left for the rest of the day again. And again. And again. This continued for about two weeks. Having been advised by numerous advisors never to give up, I kept calling, kept spending lots of time on hold, never once speaking to Maestro Bat Onwielder. The following day I went to my teacher’s home for a voice lesson. As my lesson concluded, one of my teacher’s former pupils, Gloria Sighsee, a noted soprano who sang with leading opera companies, arrived to have lunch with my teacher. We talked for a few minutes and I mentioned my adventures on the telephone with the City of Eckss Opera Company and their receptionist. “Yes, I know, Bat can sometimes be very hard to reach,” said Gloria. “But say to the receptionist that your friend, Goldie Gotbucks, recommended you call him. I’ll call Goldie now and let her know you are using her name. She supports the company and likes to help young singers. She won’t mind at all.” I didn’t know Goldie Gotbucks from Minnie Marx or Lotta Franks, but so what. I called one more time. “May I please speak to Maestro Bat Onwielder about an audition?” I asked the receptionist. “Just a moment, I’ll connect you,” she replied. After fifteen minutes on hold she came back on the line: “I’m terribly sorry, he just stepped out to go to the bank.” I replied, “Well, I’ll try back later, but could you please tell him that Goldie Gotbucks recommended that I call him.” “Hang on just a moment,” said the receptionist and put me back on hold, but this time for only about fifteen seconds. The line was picked up and a cheery voice said cheerily: “Hello. This is Bat Onwielder. May I help you?” (The names have been changed to protect the guilty, but if you call me privately I may identify the characters. They are all absolutely real. And she really did say, “...he just stepped out to go to the bank.”)!
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AM I A BASS OR A TENOR?!
I once auditioned for Il Trovatore.
I was offered Ferrando (!) because the
conductor told me I had a rich dark sound,
better for Ferrando, the bass, than di Luna,
the baritone. I turned it down. I will not
sing Ferrando, even though Ferrando’s
opening scene and aria is one of my all-
sound brilliant in my voice, despite what
the conductor thinks. At about the same
time, one of the managers of a company
with which I was performing, who was
also a singer, told me, “You are really a
tenor with a low extension because your
high G# has such a ring and it’s so easy.”
Listen to some downloads and e-
think? Am I a bass or a tenor?!
Click here to go directly to all the downloads
on the Home / Downloads page of this website.
On a more serious note, I have noticed that singers who struggle with their top often claim that lower voiced singers, who do not struggle with their top, are really singing one fach too low. Some folks believe one should sing as high as possible because higher is louder, and louder is, for many morons, the be all and end all of “fine” singing. I can hit a high Bb and have on rare occasions done so in public. (There is a high Bb in my own arrangement of Kol nidre on my CD, Ian Geller Sings Jewish Music. See the CDs page). Audiences love it. But I am not a tenor simply because I can sing a Bb. Many baritones can sing a Bb. If I sang up there constantly I would not have the control and dynamic subtlety I have now. Are these folks saying that if a singer’s high notes are not a struggle, then something is wrong?! Read the Teaching page; you will understand why high notes need not ever be a struggle! If you struggle with your high notes, call me: 917-
And upon this subject, read on about Professor X.
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__________________________________________________
SOME MEMORABLE MOMENTS
THERE ARE NO BARITONES AT THE MET
I will never forget Professor X. A friend of mine, who had great potential but had never studied voice before, began studying with him on the recommendation of some ignoramus. But after a few lessons, my friend wisely decided he wasn’t a very good teacher. Since my friend had had no previous experience he asked me to go with him to a lesson. At the time I had been studying for over two years, so that made me the local expert. We arrived at Professor X’s studio. The professor was surrounded by several faithful students/disciples. Professor X ran my friend through a bunch of vocalises, never explaining anything to him and never stopping when he sang something out of tune or tightly, had him sing a few songs, telling him nothing, took his money, and that was it. Professor X then addressed me, perhaps hoping to sign me up, asking, “Do you breathe from the diaphragm?” The way in which he asked made me think he was posing the kind of trick question some teachers ask when they want to launch dramatically into a particular subject. I decided to answer, “Yes.” “Wrong!” Professor X exclaimed triumphantly. I had fallen into his trap! “You breathe from your lungs. The diaphragm is only a muscle. That’s why I teach nothing about breathing. You can’t breathe any way except from the lungs.” This ignorant Professor had no idea that ‘breathing from the diaphragm’ really means using the abdominal muscles to control the flow of air in and out of the lungs. This is the most efficient way to breathe, increasing breath control, and eliminating movement of the chest and shoulders, which slows you up, and causes unnecessary tension. He then said, “So you are a baritone. You know there
are no baritones at the Met.” “What?” I said.
“How about Robert Merrill or Tito Gobbi?” He
responded, “They’re not baritones. They are lazy
tenors!” “Really?” I said. “Well what about…”
and I ticked off a list of famous baritones singing
at the Met. “They’re all lazy tenors.” “Well then
I suppose you think Dietrich Fischer-
“Does he sing at the Met?” “No, I don’t believe
he ever has,” I replied. “Well, if he doesn’t sing at
the Met then he’s nothing,” proclaimed Professor
X. “Surely you don’t think Leonard Warren was
a lazy tenor,” I asked. Professor X became livid.
“Leonard Warren? Leonard Warren?” he raged.
“Leonard Warren was MY student. I was going
to make him into the greatest tenor in the world
but he left me to study with Sydney Dietch who
RUINED him by making him sing as a baritone.”
I thereupon got off the line of a lifetime: “Gosh,
do you know anyone who could ruin me?”
Professor X seemed to ignore my remark and said, “I’ll show you what a real baritone sounds like.” He then had one of his disciples get up and sing Cortigiani, vil razza dannata from Rigoletto. The guy was obviously a bass, and might have been a great Sparafucile had he not been so tight, if he didn’t struggle so painfully with the high notes, and were he not flatter than a pancake. Afterward, my friend who, like me, was quite a fan of Dietrich Fischer-
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A RADIO INTERVIEW
I once heard a radio interview with Rudolph Bing, decades ago, in which he was asked, “What do you do if one of your singers sings out of tune?” He replied, “Our singers never sing out of tune.” What a sense of humor!
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A MEMORABLE REHEARSAL – 1
It was sometime in the early sixties. I had one of my first real professional singing gigs. I was one of two pros to help beef up a volunteer choir and sing occasional solos. It was not a great choir but the gig did pay $15.00 a week for a rehearsal and service, which was really not bad back then. (You could go to a movie for 50¢, gasoline was 30¢ a gallon, and my college tuition was under $500.00 per semester). Our director, Mitchell Messer, had real problems getting his directions across to some of the volunteers, who seemed a little dense at times. We were rehearsing a piece where the sopranos and altos were singing a duet for most of the page. On the bottom of the page the tenors and basses were supposed to make their entrance. Unfortunately, when we got to that point, most of the gentlemen screwed up royally and didn’t come in. “Let’s try it again from right there, one measure before the tenors and basses start” said Mitch. We tried it again and this time the tenors and basses got it pretty well but now the sopranos and altos didn’t start to sing. “Let’s do it once again, from one measure before the tenors and basses start,” said Mitch. We tried it once again, but once again the sopranos and altos didn’t sing. “Where are we?” asked one of the altos. “We’re at the bottom of the page one measure before the tenors and basses enter,” replied Mitch. We tried it one more time and one more time the sopranos and altos didn’t sing. “Wait a minute, where do you want us to start?” asked a soprano. “At the bottom! the bottom of the page one measure before the tenors and basses enter!” repeated Mitch for the fourth time, vexedly. Yet again we started and yet again the ladies didn’t sing. “Wait, wait, where are we starting?” asked another particularly dense soprano. Exasperated, Mitch glared at the sopranos and altos and said sarcastically, but with complete innocence of any double meaning, and I quote verbatim: “Ladies, if you examine your parts, you will see at the bottom where the men come in.” We were unable to continue for at least twenty minutes.
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A MEMORABLE REHEARSAL – 2
I was attending Juilliard in the late ’60s. The chorus was rehearsing for the upcoming performance of Mozart’s Requiem Mass. At this rehearsal we were to work on the section, Rex tremendae majestatis, which opens with three powerful utterances of the word, “Rex.” Our conductor, Abraham Kaplan, arrived, began the rehearsal, and cued the chorus to begin. The chorus began this powerful piece powerfully. But no sooner had the chorus intoned the opening word than Mr. Kaplan stopped the singing, put down his baton, glared angrily at us, and humorlessly demanded, “WHO SANG ‘SEX’?” The answer was: everyone, as planned prior to the rehearsal. (I am absolutely convinced that Mozart would have loved it! After all, we know what a young reprobate he was. Of course at the performance, we all sang “Rex” as written. As we all know so well, Juilliard students are always so serious).
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A MEMORABLE REHEARSAL – 3
It was about an hour and a half before our chorus was to begin a concert performance of an operetta with one of the world’s greatest orchestras, but under the direction of a guest conductor who was surely the worst conductor in the big leagues. (We all knew he got his gigs because of a political connection). The chorus conductor, Ronald Schweitzer, who had prepared us for this concert, called a most unusual last-
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DO YOU NEED A PIANO?
I once showed up, with my pianist, who was my mother, Clara Geller, to give a concert for an organization in California. We were escorted into the hall where the concert was to take place. It was quite a nice hall. “But where is the piano?” I asked. “The piano? Do you need a piano?” responded the organizers. I sweetly explained that, yes, I needed a piano, the piano was discussed when the concert was booked, I had requested that the piano be tuned immediately prior to the concert, this was all stated in our letter of agreement, and I had called a week or so earlier to make sure that a piano tuner had been scheduled and everything was OK. “Well, we do have a piano, but it is in the next room and I don’t know how long it has been since it was last tuned.” The door to this next room was about thirty feet from where I had to stand for the concert, down several steps from the hall, and much too narrow for the piano to fit through. In addition, the piano was on the opposite side of the room from the door to the hall. I thought that if the piano were out of tune, I could always sing out of tune with it. But seriously, I figured that if we moved the piano right next to the door leading to the hall we might make it work. The folks from the organization, however, did not want to move the piano closer to the door because there was a lot of furniture in the way. I was starting to have visions of certain famous Italian opera stars having temperamental fits, and was wondering if I wouldn’t enjoy having a fit myself. I’ve never had one, yet! (Some day I hope to have a great one that I can write about)! But I calmly explained that if we were unable to put the piano right next to the door than I might not be able to give the performance. Not giving the performance was unthinkable so we moved sofas and rugs out of the way in the next room and got the piano right up to the door. I told my mother, “Try, if possible, not to play the notes that are too badly out of tune, and remember, I’m thirty feet away, play loud so I can hear you. I hope you will be able to hear me, and let’s see what happens.” We did it! My mother, a great musician, and a great improviser, was actually able to avoid several of the worst, most out of tune notes most of the time and I must say, the people really seemed to love the concert! And I did get paid!
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LA TRAVIATA – 2
Once upon a time I was giving a program for a senior citizens group. The program included Di Provenza il mar from La Traviata. When I sing an aria I first tell the story of the opera as briefly as possible and I try to inject a bit of humor into even the darkest of tragedies. My script for La Traviata: A young man from the country comes to the big city, Paris. He meets a beautiful young girl. He falls in love with her; she falls in love with him. Unfortunately, she is not what we would call a “nice” girl. Indeed, she is a courtesan, a high-
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MY MOST EGO-
My most ego-
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THE CRITICS
As they were setting up for the concert I was about to give, I asked Greg Crowe, the manager of the theater, “Are the critics coming?” “Whaddaya mean,” he replied. “They’re ALL critics!”
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TIMBUKTU
I did a chorus gig decades ago in an opera starring Madame X. She was truly marvelous, wonderful, great! (As marvelous as she was, she was actually wiped off the map by an unknown British mezzo named Janet Baker singing a small role, who instantly became the one and only true love of my life, along with several others). Then Madame X dropped out of sight. She was singing somewhere in Europe. Five years later, on my birthday, I was driving to a restaurant for a celebration with my future ex-
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AN AMAZING DISCOVERY
Check out the movie, Charlie Chan at the Opera. It’s not great and in my opinion would normally not be worth wasting time on unless you have some special interest in that genre. It includes scenes from an opera, Carnival, written for the film by Oscar Levant, which I consider to be as ungreat as the rest of the film. BUT the singing is done by two terrific singers. Their identities are given nowhere in the credits. For me, finding names like this on the web presents a challenge which I can’t resist. Details of many uncredited film actors’ careers are on http://www.imdb.com and it is there that I found my answers. (In today’s films credits are given for everybody working on the film, including assistant’s assistant’s assistant gophers, but back then many actors were uncredited). The soprano is Zaruhi Elmassian and the baritone, the singing voice of Boris Karloff, is Tudor Williams. I never heard of either one of them before but both are outstanding; Mr. Williams especially is one of the absolute greatest baritone voices I have ever heard! These vocal numbers were recently issued on a compact disc: Oscar Levant plays Levant and Gershwin – DRG 13113. Mr. Williams career seems to have consisted of mostly uncredited bit roles in 1930s to 1950s movies. Films in which he appears and sings are listed on http://www.imdb.com. If you are into great singing he is most definitely a must-
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THE WORST TIME IN MY LIFE
or The Genesis (and Exodus) of TIME
Once upon a TIME, many years ago, in the dark, distant past, when I was teaching at the University of X, Professor Pirouette Plié, Professor of Dance, approached me about composing a piece for her. It would be sponsored by a grant from the State Arts Council. Among my many bad habits is my tendency to compose music. Many madmen hear voices. Some hear voices that say, “Kill, rape, maim, murder, torture,” etc. We read about these people in the paper from time to time when they get caught. I also hear voices – but my voices, for better or worse, sing or play music. Sometimes, in moments of delirious ecstasy, I am driven to write down what these voices play or sing.
I had written a string quartet as a graduation piece, but much of it was mostly manure. I had also written a song to a D. H. Lawrence text but portions of it were predominantly poop. I had used some of the material from the song in a piece for clarinet and piano but facets of it were fundamentally feces. If I had ever encountered any of these pieces lying on the sidewalk I would have been careful not to step in it. Because I am a hoarder and cannot bear to put these things in the garbage where they belong, (they would stuff up the toilet), this ménage à trois lived in a drawer, waiting for my heirs to dispose of them properly upon my death (at which point, of course, I would fulfill the primary prerequisite for becoming a Great Composer).
All three pieces, however, did have a few really good moments worth keeping. So I used these good parts, adding new music here and there, as needed. I wrote a poem which I used as a text to new music. When I recited this text to various folks like my mother and father, siblings, some friends, and my future ex-
FYI, here is the poem:
TIME
Yesterday I remembered...
Tomorrow I have already forgotten...
Where was yesterday?
But that was yesterday,
which is gone forever.
What was yesterday like?
But tomorrow is almost here.
Today I have not yet forgotten...
but still, I cannot remember,
because as life occurs it becomes yesterday
and tomorrow is here and is yesterday
and although Yesterday I remembered...
Tomorrow I have already forgotten...
As I look at the poem today I think of Alzheimer’s, but it really has nothing to do with any form of dementia. When I wrote the poem I barely knew what Alzheimer’s was. I was thinking of contrasting elements as a source of drama. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and how we humans react to the past, present, and future regarding various conditions in our existence, seemed a perfect way to express these contrasts. The resultant piece, which I really like very much, was TIME, for string quartet, baritone soloist (that would be me), a quartet of dancers and a solo dancer (that would be Professor Pirouette Plié). It has none of the feculence of its three sources, (and has nothing to do with the magazine). In using various conditions within yesterday, today, and tomorrow as the basic elements, without any specific story, the choreographer would have great freedom in developing the performance.
I carefully explained to Professor Pirouette Plié several particulars about the production:
-
Thus, the piece could be performed in any type of venue with an appropriate floor: on a traditional proscenium stage, any non-
I got a string quartet together from faculty members and guests. We scheduled a first rehearsal. We intended to record the piece because neither the string quartet nor the baritone soloist was going to perform live. Unfortunately, the piece is not easy to play. There are changing meters and interesting but moderately difficult rhythms. We were unable to take it nearly up to tempo and had to frequently stop. I occasionally had to call out the beats: “one two three four five, one two three four five six, one two three, one two three, one and two and, one two three,” etc. Sometimes I had to bang out beats with a pencil on a music stand in an often vain attempt to keep them together. The playing was ragged and horribly out of tune. It was, after all, a first rehearsal of a difficult new piece. The players were excellent but they were sight-
About two weeks and four or five rehearsals later, the string quartet was greatly improved and we made a nice recording which could be used for the performance. I handed the good tape to Professor Pirouette Plié. About a week later I asked Professor Pirouette Plié how things were going. She casually informed me that she could not use the good tape because all the correct tempos were “wrong” and she had already started choreographing the piece from the dreadful recording of the dreadful first rehearsal which I had regrettably given her. I told her firmly that she could not use that tape for any performance; it was awful. She responded that she absolutely had to because, according to the grant which she had received, the piece had to be performed very very soon. At that point I considered murder and/or legal action to stop the performance, but my intrinsic laziness prevented me from doing either (although the murder part might have been lots of fun. I do, after all, hear voices). So I did nothing.
When the time came for the first performance, I wondered what I would see. Professor Pirouette Plié had never consulted me about anything.
According to psychologists, a sense of humor goes along with a personal sense of security; people without a sense of humor are generally deeply insecure people. I am deeply aware and greatly appreciative of the accomplishments of Bach, Mozart, Beethoven, Schubert, Brahms, R. Strauss, Schoenberg, Bartók, Hindemith, and, especially in dance, Stravinsky. How then could I possibly be secure about my own efforts? Thus, I have absolutely no sense of humor whatsoever about my compositions. If ever I needed one, it was at this first performance.
Upon arriving at the University of X Theater and perusing the program, I saw that Professor Pirouette Plié had changed the title, TIME, to TIME TRIO, which, considering that everything in the piece is based on the idea of quartet and soloist, was absurd and completely inappropriate. That was because she had only two dancers beside herself instead of the five required. There were no sets, which was certainly all right, but the lighting effects were merely lights mindlessly flashing on and off for no apparent reason. One sees this sort of thing in elementary school productions where they don’t know what else to do with lights. There were projections, but nothing like anything I could have imagined. There were no fantastical shapes of various colors shifting across the stage, or projected onto scrims or curtains. Professor Pirouette Plié had set up a small home slide projector, which flashed small, ugly home slides of fields and trees and city streets and other meaningless items onto a small home movie screen, all borrowed, no doubt, from audio/visual. The actual dancing was of mediocre student level and seemed to me to have nothing to do with the contrasts of ideas within the piece. Worst of all, the audience was laughing at the many places on the tape where the quartet was grossly out of tune, terribly ragged, and I was heard calling out the beats and banging on the music stand with my pencil trying vainly to keep them together. In retrospect, it probably was very funny. John Cage might have considered this great art! At the moment, however, I felt everyone in the audience was laughing at me! I was more dreadfully embarrassed than I have ever been, before or since, in my entire life. When this ludicrous performance was over, almost before the weak, barely polite applause had begun, I slunk out of the theater as quickly as possible, hoping not to be noticed. I do not know if they tried to acknowledge me for a bow; I was revving up my car, escaping to home where I could hide. I did not go to the subsequent performance and the piece has not been performed since.
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I BECAME TERRIBLY INCENSED...
...when a “friend” commented, upon hearing my setting of the liturgical text, Mi chamocha, that one portion of it sounds a little like Leonard Bernstein. I said irately, “I do not steal from Leonard Bernstein. If one wishes to write great music one must steal from only the greatest composers. I stole that from Stravinsky. If it sounds like Bernstein it is because he also stole from Stravinsky!”
CLICK HERE to download my setting of Mi chamocha
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HOW I BECAME A TROUBLEMAKER
I wanted to audition for David DiChiera. He was the director of opera companies in Michigan and Ohio. At first, we were never able to find a time that was possible for both of us. Finally, we did arrive at a time when I could drive from Chicago to Detroit and audition for him. Unfortunately, when the appointed morning arrived, I awoke with a terrible virus and could hardly get out of bed and stand up. I never get sick! Why did it have to happen on this particular morning? I had to call and cancel the audition.
Shortly thereafter I learned of a competition held by the Opera Company of Mid-
On the appointed day I got up early, got my stuff together, did the Bar Mitzvah and was in my Ford Club Wagon and out of the Oak Park Temple parking lot by 12:01 P.M. I arrived at Midway by 12:45 P.M. The plane, a tiny single-
The plane bounced violently on every gentle zephyr
that came along. The Bobs at the old Riverview
Amusement Park in Chicago, and The Cyclone at
Coney Island in New York were never as exciting
as this plane ride. Larry and I could communicate
only through a microphone and headset because
the engine noise was so loud. I was having visions
of beautiful young stewardesses serving food and
beverages (yes, in those bygone days they served
food on airplanes), but on this plane it was not to
be. Larry told me how to handle the wheel and I
actually flew the plane, turning to the left, turning
to the right, going up and going down, carefully
and never too much. I could watch the tiny white
waves on the surface of Lake Michigan and see
the tiny little cars and trucks, like ants, scurrying
in slow motion along the (radar infested) roads
of Michigan. It was an extraordinary, exhilarating
experience which I would love to do again.
Larry landed the plane at the so-
was a tiny bumpy grassy strip. The terminal was
a tiny building with only one person in attendance.
(I’ll bet Lansing has a real airport). Larry had
radioed ahead to have the attendant call a taxicab
but the cab never arrived, so the airport attendant
kindly offered to drive us himself to Michigan
State University. Since airplane traffic at this
airport was a very rare and unusual event, it would
be no problem for him to be gone for a few hours.
We arrived by 3:40 P.M. giving me forty minutes
to chill out, warm up, and listen to some of my
competition through closed doors. I heard one
amazing mezzo, Candace De Lattre, who lived and
taught in Flint. She told me later that she had sung
Sieglinde in Seattle. In the competition she sang
O mio Fernando from La Favorita and Fricka’s
confrontation scene with Wotan from Die Walküre
and she sounded absolutely magnificent. “$#!+,”
I said to myself. “There goes my first prize.”
But during my wait for my turn to sing I learned
something much more disturbing. The opera
company had some sort of loose association with
the university and employed several of the music
faculty members. There had been some sort of
political upheaval between the university and the
opera company, the details of which I do not
remember. Thus, all of the music faculty, including
the conductor of the company, Gustav Meier, were
not there at the competition. The company stage
director, Dugg McDonough, not a local resident,
was also not there. These were the only two
people with the company who might engage a
soloist. Furthermore, all of the conductors and
directors of every local community orchestra and
choir in the area, who might engage vocal soloists,
who were invited guests, and who were supposed
to be in attendance were all not there. Finally,
although David DiChiera’s assistant had indeed
telephoned the evening before to get directions
to the place, that was the last they heard from or
about Mr. DiChiera. He simply never showed up
to judge and did not call. (Fortunately, they did
have two other judges). Suddenly, every one of
my reasons for being there and participating had
evaporated! Then I went in to sing.
My two selections were Cortigiani, vil razza dannata from Rigoletto and Largo al factotum from Il Barbiere di Siviglia. As I handed my music to the pianist I thought to myself, “I am not doing the wise thing. I am singing in this competition with a pianist whom I do not know and with whom I have had neither a rehearsal nor a run-
Since my audition was near the end, I had not long to wait for the outcome. I do not remember who won first prize. Candace De Lattre won second prize and I won third prize. My third prize was $300.00, so it paid for my flight. However, there was a requirement I had not known about: as a prizewinner, I had to sing my two arias at a concert the following afternoon. This concert was no doubt mentioned in the in the competition requirements but I had not noted it. A distinguished and beloved member of the Michigan State University music faculty had just died and a special memorial service was to be held at exactly the same time as the concert. All of the music faculty, including the conductor of the opera company, Gustav Meier, were going to be at the special memorial service, not at the concert. I asked whether newspaper critics had been invited to review the concert, and whether it would be recorded. Critics had not been invited, there would be no reviews, and the concert would not be recorded. At that point, Larry Tucker, who had waited for me to return with him, came up to me and said, “Well, I have to leave and get back to Chicago. Are you coming with me?” “Let me find out,” I replied.
I went to one of the ladies who was running the proceedings and asked her, “Is it necessary that I participate in the concert tomorrow? I had engaged an airplane to fly here because I had to sing in Oak Park, IL this morning and had no other way of getting here. I had not known about the concert before today, I have no transportation here, and the pilot and plane have to return to Chicago now. If I don’t return now I will be stuck.” (I said nothing to the lady about my disappointment that all the people whose attendance was promised by the competition, and for whom I came and expected to sing, were all not there). “Wait a minute and let me find out,” the lady said. After conferring with her colleagues for a few moments she said to me, “It is required that you sing at the concert. If you do not sing at the concert tomorrow you will have to forfeit the prize.” I then asked, “Would it be possible to get transportation to a nearby motel and get a ride back here tomorrow for the concert?” “I think that would not be a problem,” she replied. “OK, then everything will be fine and I’ll do it,” I told the lady. I said good-
My driver lady was completely understanding. She picked me up the following afternoon, and drove me back for the concert which went very well. It was too bad almost no one was there. I wish it had been recorded because I felt I sang well and Ms. Moriarty was a pianistic joy. Afterwards my driver lady dropped me at the Amtrak station. I had a wonderfully spicy dinner at a fabulous, very simple Korean family restaurant across the street from the station, took the train to Chicago, and was picked up by my future ex-
I never did find out why David DiChiera never did show up.
And that is how I became a troublemaker.
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THE NATURE OF GENIUS – 1
It was 1978. I had recently lost over fifty pounds.
I planned on wearing my tails for an upcoming debut
recital at Carnegie Recital Hall (now Weill Recital Hall)
but without those fifty pounds the trousers fit me like
a tent, so I went to a tailor to have them taken in.
The tailor explained that because I had lost so much
weight, the trousers could not simply be taken in,
they had to be completely recut. When I told the
tailor about my upcoming recital he told me that in his
youth he had sung as a baritone in the opera chorus
in his native city, Buenos Aires. He then asked me
who was sponsoring my debut. I explained that I was
sponsoring it myself. Thereupon he insisted that he
would not charge me anything for recutting and altering
my trousers. I told him I did not wish to accept this
but he was adamant. Finally he agreed to accept
complimentary tickets for himself and his wife. As I left the suit with him I asked him, “Aren’t you going to take my measurements?” He replied, “No, I don’t have to.” I was nonplussed by this and frankly a bit concerned, but when I returned for the suit the following week I was amazed to find that the suit now fit absolutely perfectly and indeed, I believe I have never owned any article of clothing that fit so well! And he had done this simply by looking at me!
In the world of music we have composers who create magnificent works of timeless beauty, and we have interpreters: singers, instrumentalists, conductors, who beguile their audiences by bringing this music to life from the printed page. Because of their special capability we call these people geniuses; we applaud them; we flock to hear their work. But is not this tailor, who has the ability to simply look at a person and make a perfect garment without taking measurements, also a genius? Does he not also have a special capability quite out of the ordinary? But he receives no applause from the multitudes beyond the praise of an occasional appreciative customer.
Imagine, if you will, this tailor taking his sewing machine center stage at Carnegie Hall, sewing a perfect pair of trousers in front of a sold-
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THE NATURE OF GENIUS – 2
One of my teachers at Juilliard, Suzanne Bloch (daughter of Ernest), told our class an interesting tale: once upon a time, she was the conductor of an amateur orchestra in Washington, D.C. One of the amateur violinists in the amateur orchestra was a gentleman named Albert Einstein. She said, “He couldn’t count.”
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STAGE DIRECTION OF THE YEAR
On page 120 of the G. Schirmer edition of Giuseppe Verdi’s Aïda (Edition no. 2569), in an English translation by Walter Ducloux, is the following stage direction: “The Egyptian troops, preceded by trumpets, defile before the King.” I’ve never seen it done like that.
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HUMOR
A soprano died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked her, “Who are you?”
She replied haughtily, “I am Zinka Callas-
At this she blew up and fumed, “How dare you! Just who do you think you are? You are nothing but a simple fisherman! Besides, my agent is not here with me, and I am certainly NOT going to sing with THAT piano. Furthermore, I don’t see any of my many fans here, who love and adore me, even when I cancel!”
Saint Peter said, “You may now enter into Heaven. You have proven to me that you truly are a real soprano.”
A. Opera is when a guy is stabbed, instead of bleeding, he sings.
As a man lay terminally ill on his death bed he became aware of a wonderful aroma emanating from the kitchen. He somehow managed to get himself up out of bed and staggered into the kitchen to see that his wife had just baked a huge platter of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. He picked up a cookie, but as he was about to take a bite his wife came into the kitchen, slapped his hand and snapped, “Put that back! I baked them for the funeral.”
It was just before the big game. The coach was telling the team: “We got a big problem. Some of youse guys are doing so bad in your academics I’ve been told that I really shouldn’t let you play. He looked at his star quarterback. “Tom, you’re flunking math so bad I can’t let you play this game unless you pass a special math exam that I’m going to give you right now. OK, here’s the exam. How much is two plus two?” Tom pondered for a long time, looking very confounded and uncertain. Finally, he ventured an answer. “Four?” The rest of the team spoke up, “Aw c’mon coach. Give him another chance.”
FATHER: Well son, now that you’re twelve years old and
growing up, it’s time we had a little discussion about sex.
SON: Sure Dad. What did you want to know?
Q. How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Who cares?! No one watches anyway.
Q. Do they sterilize the needles used for lethal injections?
A man walks into a bar and sits down. A drop dead gorgeous woman emerges from the back room, sits down next to him, and sensually whispers, “How would you like to make me feel like a real woman?” The man replies, “I sure would!” He takes off his jacket, hands it to the woman, and says, “Here, iron this.”
Q. How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowplow?
A. Give her a shovel.
I’ve been trying to compose a drinking song but I can’t ever seem to get past the first few bars.
over four years to paint the ceiling of
the Sistine Chapel.
TOURIST: I have a landlord just
like that.
MAN: Sir, are you a lawyer?
ATTORNEY: Yes, I am.
MAN: What is your fee?
ATTORNEY: I charge two thousand
dollars to answer four questions.
MAN: Isn’t that rather expensive?
ATTORNEY: Yes, it is.
And what is your fourth question.
MINISTER: Do you know why you are
not supposed to talk during the sermon?
SUNDAY SCHOOL STUDENT: Yes,
because it’s rude to wake anybody up.
Q. Why do violists have a handkerchief
under their chins?
A. Because violas don’t have a spit valve.
Q. How long does it take to tune a viola?
A. We don’t know. It has never been done.
Q. What are quarter tones?
A. Two violas playing in unison.
(Two oboes playing in unison)?!
(Two tenors singing in unison)?!
(Whomsoever you wish to dump on).
If you have any good ones, email them
to me and maybe I’ll put them up here:
E-
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At the beginning of her career in the
USA, everyone insisted she change
her surname, although it is said that
she never understood why. Her first
husband, an actor, used the stage
name Milanov, so she took that name.
(Milanov is masculine, thus she really
should have called herself Milanova).
It was believed that her real surname,
Kunc (pronounced [kUnts]), would be
mispronounced by most Americans.
Speaking of name changes, when this
distinguished German conductor first
came to this country, he added the “e” to his original surname. He continues
to use his original surname in Germany.
